8 miles, and a little faith
This weekend my family and I stayed at what is said to be the longest beach in the world. We had a fantastic time. However, I did not get to run on the beach. I was really looking forward to doing my long run for the week there, but the timing just did not work out. I have gotten in the habit of doing my runs in the morning, because I am usually in too much pain or too worn out to do it later in the day, so I was pretty bummed out that I could not fit it in that morning.
When we got home it was already 2:00, but surprisingly, I still felt pretty good. So I immediately put on my running gear and headed to the gym. It turns out it was the perfect time to do my run. Not only can I make sure I don’t start out too fast or slow down too much when I get tired on a treadmill, but I can grab the handrails when I stumble. But the main thing that gave me strength when I needed it was that I saw a disabled person walking on a treadmill, slow, but steady. This kept me going even when I was so tired I wanted to quit. If he could do it, I certainly could! This led me to believe I was not able to run on the beach for a reason. I was meant to be on a treadmill that day. I didn’t fall, and I found extra motivation in the people around me.
This morning I went to see a new Doctor that was recommended to me by my current neurologist. He was supposed to know a lot about MS, and be a lot closer to my house. I am still trying to get some answers on how to manage the burning pain on my skin and the deep ache I feel in the center of my arms, which I have fondly named “hollow bones.” However, when I get there, he tells me in a very abrupt, almost rude tone that he does not know why I am there. He said he is a neurologist, but does not know much about MS. He also told me that my previous Dr. does not know much about MS either. He said if I am just there to get narcotics, they do not do that there. As if I am just there to get high! I left the visit feeling offended and crushed.
This was followed by one of the worst days I have had in a while as far as pain goes. But as I walked around the office, I kept feeling something on my foot. It was the pain of the blister I got on my run at the gym yesterday. The blister I got while watching a disabled person pushing himself so hard to stay in shape even though it was difficult for him to walk at all. The blister I got while realizing the day had fallen into place how it was supposed to so that I would do my run at the gym instead of at the beach like I had wanted.
I am sure that I will find the doctor that can help me. It just wasn’t the doctor I saw this morning. It is all about timing, persistence, and faith. I know where I am going to get an appointment at next, and I have to believe that the reason I had this delay was because the timing was not right. I was not in the right place. No matter what, I will not accept that the pain is here to stay. This is NOT what my life is from now on. I run when I am tired, and I seek help when I am told I can’t get it.
I registered for my half marathon in August today. I am locked in. That felt really good!