First World Problems
A while ago, my husband used the phrase, “first world problems.” I think it is related to a phrase often used by our neighbors, “problems of the rich.” They both mean the same thing. How can we feel bad that we don’t have enough money for the perfect (insert your want here), when we have so much to begin with? How can my kids reject food because they don’t like it, when there are kids around the world that don’t get food to at all?
This is the same sort of theory I struggle with about my disabilities now that I have undergone HSCT for MS. I feel bad because I still have symptoms, and most of all severe fatigue at times, when it is so much better than it used to be. I can only run two miles, but two years ago I couldn’t even walk across a room. I don’t feel nearly as accomplished on a daily basis as I used to because I no longer work, but I take care of my 3 kids every day.
It makes me wonder what I am waiting for. What is going to make me feel all better? I need it to be enough that I am alive. I need it to be enough that almost all of the pain is gone. I need it to be enough to exercise at all, no matter how minimal. And I need it to be enough just to be caring for my family and myself without help.
The main problem is that I used to be a huge overachiever, and I probably thought I was contributing more than I actually was. I was busy all the time. Now I am not, and I need to figure out how to be content with the new me. I am very different than I used to be in a lot of ways, and the thing that bothers me the most is that the damage to my brain from MS may never go away.
For this next stage in my life, I am now going to focus on just living in the moment, and being happy with what is happening right now. I need to be happy with the little things and not focus on the big things that I do not have control over. As Buddha said, “Health is the greatest gift, contentment the greatest wealth.”