Meet Me Where I’m At

Something that has been bothering me lately is the inability for others to truly see how I am now. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t blame them. In fact I do the same most of the time. We all really want me to be the Rachel I used to be. The Rachel without diminished executive function (thinking, planning, organizing and problem solving, emotions and behavioral control, and personality, according to The Rachel I was before I had trouble doing so many day-to-day things.

The ones who don’t have this problem are my husband and my counselor. And sometimes I am even surprised or offended when those two point out the problem I’m having. And that that problem is probably due to my brain damage. Fun fact – the damage that is caused by MS is called “Traumatic Brain Injury.” I thought that only happened in an accident or on a football field!

What is more hurtful to me than having it pointed out by those two, are the responses of the other people in my life. They often forget all of the actual damage done to my brain. The most damaged part of my brain is the frontal lobe. The frontal lobe is responsible for the executive functions. Add to that diminished stress tolerance and lack of access to my long-term memory and language and I’m pretty useless talking out a problem, or a solution. I can process things in writing, or while I write, but I cannot do it well verbally.

This is why I can no longer be successful at certain things. It hurts me when people try to tell me I am fine, or I can get better, I just need to try harder. They don’t make prosthetics for the brain.

It used to be impossible for me to give something up before I succeed at it. Now I have to in order to keep my sanity and not be depressed all the time. I want to do things with my time that I can be successful at. I don’t want to ruin the rest of my days by trying to do something that it just not working for me anymore.

Meet me where I’m at. Leave out the positive or negative spins, just facts.

Posted in: Cure for MS, Happiness, Health, health and wellness, HSCT, Multiple Sclerosis, self-help, Stem Cell Transplant, Stress and Anxiety