The Blessing of Illness

The thing about going through months of feeling really crummy, having pain, and always being exhausted is that when I come out of it I enjoy all the things I would normally take advantage of. The evening chores that used to be hassles become something that make me happy after not being able to do them for so long. I cleaned my house last night and enjoyed every bit of it, just because I could!

For about three very long months, I was too tired to accomplish anything after work. I didn’t make plans for anything or look forward to anything because I knew that nothing would be without pain. I would look forward to crawling in bed, but nothing else. Now I am having fun making plans for everything! I look forward to the evenings, and I look forward to the weekends. I especially look forward to running! I am making plans to get stuff done and have fun with my family, and I am loving it!

I am finally starting to go back into remission and I feel awesome! I have so much energy and I am so happy that I want to hug everyone I see! Don’t get me wrong, I don’t feel this way constantly, but it is a feeling I relish and want to make last. I have earned it! I remember getting this feeling after having a migraine headache as a kid. About once a week I would wake up with one that would completely disable me, and it would last until evening time. But when it was over, I felt like I was on top of the world. I have that same feeling now.

Now that I feel good, everything looks better; my job, my interpersonal relationships, even my hair! And now that my energy is back, when I do have some pain it doesn’t bother me. I remember how much worse it used to be. Life can get so dark when you are in constant pain that it can be impossible to not be irritated by everyone around you. It gets to the point sometimes that you hate absolutely everything, and cannot see an end to that feeling. As a naturally positive and happy person, getting in a place like that makes me incredibly unhappy with myself. I want to remember this feeling that comes when you finally do get to the end.

My goal: stop taking things for granted!!! Join me in this one! ☺

Posted in: Happiness, Multiple Sclerosis, running