Uneven Playing Field
I went to the gym today to do my normal Tuesday/Thursday HIT (high intensity interval) class. I ended up leaving early, after only 20 minutes instead of the full 60 minutes for the class. I told the instructor, “I just can’t do it today.” I then I started to cry. She asked if I got hurt, and I said, “No. I’m just over-tired.”
I cried because I hat to give up. I was embarrassed. But I have no reason to be embarrassed. I ran on Monday, did the Tuesday HIT class, and ran on Wednesday. Of course I’m tired on Thursday!
The MS Specialist in Seattle gave me the best explanation of why I get so tired now. People with MS use four times times the brain matter to figure out simple problems compared to someone without MS. They showed this in a study they did years ago. Four times! And this was shown just to figure out simple math problems, like 2+2. Imagine all the things coming at someone with MS on a daily basis, watching the road while we drive, getting the kids fed and off to school, and then working out on top of that. All of this information has to be interpreted by our brains that have had to reroute several times already. This is exhausting.
If you think about it, I should do ¼ of the class, and I did 1/3. I usually do the whole thing. I should be overjoyed I had the ambition to try to work out today, not feel ashamed that I did not stay as long as the rest of the women there. I am not playing on an even playing field. I have every right to leave early and hold my head high.
My new goal is to hold my head high no matter what. When I have to leave, I have to leave. Who cares if the other people there don’t know why. They can think whatever they want, but I know I’m doing great! I am thankful that I can do it at all. I will try to never take that for granted again.