With MS, it is not just how you feel day to day that is questionable, but it’s hour to hour that really gets me. I can go from 1 to 10, in terms of pain, in less than an hour. And Pain’s BFF, Fatigue, is never left behind. As I can no longer predict my sleep patterns, or whether I will feel good or bad any given day, I have a times I can’t do much.
I am so thankful to have as much support as I do! Last week I couldn’t sleep most of the night, so it was really hard to use my arms that day. I called up my Deacon at the church, and she came over and bathed Hannah and played with her and put the laundry away for me so that I could lie on the couch and gets the rest I so badly needed.
Now, I am at my parents’ house with my two youngest, and I am having a very painful day for no apparent reason. I woke up for only an hour and a half last night, but then went back to sleep and slept in until almost 11:00AM. I have not felt like moving all day, so my parents have been doing everything. I am so lucky I can just come here and not have to do anything!
Pain’s BFF may be Fatigue, but his twin brother is Depression, and he just amps up Fatigue by tagging along. Having had all three of the evil and unwelcome guests sitting in my house all day, I have not been feeling great.
I started to wonder how I could make it so I don’t feel guilty when my unwanted guests come and I do nothing all day. Then I started to wonder if I should I try to do a couple activities to improve my mood, because being productive and exercise are the two best ways to improve your mood, but I couldn’t imagine doing anything.
Then my guardian, Love, showed herself. She prompted me to look out the window where I saw my 3-yr-old and my 5-yr-old jumping in mud puddles outside and she reminded me that my love for my children conquers all and that is my job. Loving them is my job, and I’m doing it. Spending these last few weeks enjoying every moment I have with my kids, letting them sleep with me and kiss and hug me a million times a day; this is what it’s about right now. And allowing myself to rest and let others take care of stuff—those things help me do a much better job of loving!