Why I Blog
A friend of mine asked me if she thought she should share my blog with someone she knows with MS. I told her that was the whole point of my blog, to reach others with MS or other difficulties and share what I have learned to motivate myself. She told me she was worried because I was doing so well and her friend was not.
Shortly after that my mother told me how proud she was of me for always having a positive attitude and not letting my difficulties limit me. I credit a lot of that attitude to my mother. I think it is time to share the story of when I got diagnosed and why I write this blog.
In 1999, I had been having relapses for about a year that had gone undiagnosed, when I finally got so bad that my mother had to fly out on an overnight flight to where I was living to help me. I had moved to Arizona because I was deeply depressed, which was new to me, but I got so depressed I was unable to leave my apartment. This was my first symptom of MS. I didn’t go to school; I didn’t show up for work, all very uncharacteristic things of me. I just couldn’t handle anything. This prompted me to move to Arizona. I was thinking the sunshine and taking action to do something, anything, would make me feel better.
I continued to have odd things happen to me centered around my central nervous system every three months that were all written off by doctors as nothing to worry about. Finally, I had such a bad attack that I could not walk straight, I could not drive because my depth perception was gone and I drove up on the lawn instead of the driveway, and I lost the use of my left hand and arm completely. I called home and my Mom offered to fly out. I told her I would not have her do it normally because I hated asking for help, but I really felt that I needed her. By the time she got there the next morning, I was so fatigued that I could not even lift a fork to feed myself; so she fed me. Then she started making all the phone calls to doctors and neurologist trying to get help that I had been unable to because I was too tired to dial a phone number.
After finally getting diagnosed and having a round of steroids, my mother said to me, “Let’s get out of here!” So we got in the car and went to Sedona, AZ. A gorgeous town not far from where I was living in Tempe. With everything going on, and the devastating news of my incurable illness that I didn’t even fully understand yet, what I remember about that trip to Sedona most was that everything was OK. That is the kind of person my mom is. No matter what is going on, she has the ability to make everything OK. I gave my daughter Sedona for her middle name to remind me that this is the kind of mom I want to be.
So although I know what it’s like to be in really bad shape, I want to help people make things OK. This doesn’t mean I don’t have bad days. I remember what it was like the day I fell to the ground and had to crawl to the phone to call a friend for help because I could not walk. I remember everything, and I still feel pain almost every evening. I still have difficulties with my hands on occasion. But these things are not what I want to share with the world. What I want to share with the world is everything I have figured out to make things work for me, and what I have had to learn to make myself happy. I want to share the good I have uncovered through my life journeys.
So yes, share this blog with everyone you know no matter what state they are currently in. And share with me anything you want me to blog about and I will try to do what I can to make thinks “OK.”